Vampires? No, not really
by HermioneJMalfoy
Summary: What do you get when you mix otters, ferrets, weasels,Twilight and Halloween? Light humor, give it a try. One shot. Rated T for language and kicking one bastard in the *****.


**Once again, I don't own anything you recognize. **

**Now, the story.**

Hermione was sitting at the bar and sipping her drink. The bar was magical and lots of witches and wizards hanged around here. People around her were having fun, but she didn't feel like dancing. She silently cursed Ginny and Luna for bringing her here. Especially in this outfit. She was supposed to be only vampire, but the costume turned out to be _slutty_ vampire. She was wearing tight black dress, fishnet stockings and black high heels. She was also wearing black cloak tied around her neck. A red mask covered half of her face. Thanks to Ginny, her usual wild curls were flattened. Hermione put a spell on her teeth so her fangs were longer than other teeth.

She sighed. What was she doing here, on Halloween party, alone? Oh, yes. Her boyfriend of four years, Ron, dumped her a week ago. She hasn't seen him since that. 'I can't do this anymore' he said. 'You just don't fit me as good as I thought you do'. He left her because she was being herself. She was a business woman. Ministry pays well, better than Chudley Canons, and that obviously bothered Ron. She sighed once again and scanned the overcrowded bar, trying to find her friends.

'From the vampire guy across the bar' she heard someone saying. She turned around and faced waitress dressed as a French maid. Slutty French maid, of course. She accepted the drink and smiled. Waitress didn't smile back. Hermione could actually swear that she glared daggers at her. Deciding to ignore the for-unknown-reason-unfriendly waitress, Hermione tried to find the guy who sent her a drink. Her eyes fell on the tall figure. He was hard to miss. She couldn't see his face. Some of his platinum blonde hair fell to his eyes, across the black mask he was wearing. His pale skin stood out even more because of the black shirt and trousers he was wearing. He seemed somehow familiar, but she couldn't place him anywhere. Oh, what the hell. He wasn't bad looking. Damn, who was she kidding? He wasn't bad looking at all.

His eyes met hers and he slightly smiled. He raised his drink to acknowledge her. In less than a minute, he was standing beside her.

'Don't worry, I don't bite' he flashed another smile at her and she noticed that he also had long fangs.

'How do you know I don't bite either? I could be a real vampire, for all you know.'

He chuckled. 'Vampires are supposed to have a bite mark on their neck. And from what I see' he bent down, now dangerously close, and his eyes travelled from her neck to her chest 'you don't have it. You need more details.' He whispered the last word to her ear and she shivered. She inhaled his after-shave. God, it felt good. But there was more. Something about his strong alpha male attitude urged her to snog him senseless.

He saw what effect he has on her and he smirked. This woman aroused him more than any of desperate women who threw themselves at him. And it wasn't because of her lags that seemed to go on forever.

'But then again, vampires should have a mark.' Whit that, he bent his head and planted a light kiss on her neck. He hit the right spot and she moaned.

'We can't do it here.'

'Why not? Look around.' And she did. Couples were snogging around them and the rest were still dancing. A gorilla is trying to touch catwoman's boobs. Ginny and Luna were nowhere to be seen. She was about to protest once again, but words died on her lips when he started nibbling her neck. That sent chills down her spine and even lower, to her core that already getting wet. His right hand was on her tight. So close, and yet so far. She ran her fingers through his silky hair. She hasn't felt like this for a while. She hasn't slept with Ron for months before their breakup. She remembered how it bothered her then and she often wondered if he had a lover. It didn't matter now. Ron can screw whoever he wants.

Hermione was soon gasping from want. She was soaked. Her vampire lover stopped marking her and seemed very pleased by his work. She had a very visible mark on her neck. His silver eyes darkened at the sight of shaken woman in front of him. Although she was dressed in that sexy costume, it was obvious that she wasn't used to this. And it made him want her even more.

'I'm starting to like vampires.'

'So you wouldn't mind if I _slither in_?

She giggled. No, she wouldn't mind at all. 'At least you look like a real vampire, unlike that Edward.'

'Huh? What Edward?'

'Everyone knows about Edward! It's that guy who tried at Hogwarts, but his grades were too low and he got kicked out so he and his family moved to muggle world.'

'Oh, I know that guy! He's the one who seduced the poor muggle girl and made her a baby so she almost died!'

'Yeah. And to think that people adore him. He put the whole magical community in the danger by telling around that he's a vampire.'

Things were going quite well between the two of them. They talked about everything-from school and jobs to favourite books and hang outs. French maid waitress even stopped trying to get more attention by showing her cleavage when she accepted the fact that the vampires were enchanted with each other.

Just then, Hermione noticed the familiar redhead entering the bar. Her vampire seemed to notice him too. His eyes became cold and steely. Ron, oblivious to the glaring couple, headed to the bar and ordered beer taking seat next to Hermione.

'And what are you supposed to be dressed like?' She heard the cold voice ask behind her. Ron raised his eyes to the man behind her. 'No, wait, let me guess-you're trying to be a poor weasel with no soul. Oh, right, you don't have to dress up to be that.'

'Fuck off' was only reply from Ron.

Week ago, Hermione would hex the stranger for insulting her boyfriend. But now, she couldn't care less. She even enjoyed the sight of her miserable ex boyfriend. He didn't even invite her to the real first date. They just started dating. It hasn't started out of the blue, but it would've been nice if they actually went out.

'No, let _me_ guess' she joined the guessing 'you're pathetic old fashioned man who left his girlfriend because she didn't want to be his little housewife and raise six little gingers. Now you're probably sorry because you know you'll never find another woman willing to spend her life with you. Am I right, Ronald?' She received weird looks from both men.

'How do you know my name?'

'Yes, how do you know Weasley's name?' She looked at him. 'I was his girlfriend since we were in 7th year at Hogwarts. How _do_ you know him?'

'Wait, wait, his girlfriend?'

'Hermione?'

'Granger?'

'Malfoy?'

'Hermione, what are you doing here with that ferret?'

'That is none of your business, Ronald.'

'Hermione, I'm so, so sorry. Please come back to me. I've made a big mistake when I let you go.'

For a few moments, Hermione even considered his offer. Her future life flashed before her eyes. Her life as she always imagined-marriage to her friend and lover, with Ginny and Harry as relatives, lots of babies, giant and loud family reunions.

Seeing her in trance, obviously thinking about his words, Ron stood up, pulled Hermione closer and triumphantly smirked at ferret who wasn't wearing mask anymore. Ron took Hermione's mask off and lifted her head. He noticed the red mark on her neck but decided not to ruin the moment by asking her about it. He'll do it later. When they're in bed, after he's shown her some new moves he learned in the past week.

'Besides, my flat could use some cleaning.'

That did the trick. Hermione woke up from her trance and looked him in the eyes. She opened her mouth as if she'd say something, but instead the lifted her leg and kicked him in balls with his knee. Hard.

He fell to the ground, clutching his painful package.

'What's up, Ron? After all, there isn't that much of it to hurt that much, right?' Without last glance, she pulled Malfoy by hand and left the bar.

'I guess you're single, right?'

'No shit, Sherlock.'

'Sherlock?'

'Never mind.'

'Anyway, I'll feel free to ask you for a real date. Let's say, tomorrow?'

'You serious?'

'Of course. What about dinner? I know a very nice place. Besides' he came closer 'I still don't have my mark.'

She giggled.

'I guess we could give it a shot.'

**A/N **

**Wow! This story is over 800 words longer than my first one. It's very different from the first one, too.**

**Anyway, please let me know what you think. I see that lots of people still read **_**Christmas spirit **_**but none of them reviews. Please, I'll never know how to improve if you don't let me know what's wrong.**

**Is it good? Bad? Should I uninstall Word to stop myself from writing? Feel free so say.**

_**Grey Lady **_


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